More Life with the Fockers

We have pet snakes.  I do not touch them.  Sometimes I observe their behaviors through the safety of glass while they are confined, but that is all that I am willing to do for them.  Oh, and purchase frozen dead mice for their consumption necessary for survival.  At the last visit for snake food, the following occurred:

Only my weird children talk to the snakes in the pet store using that voice most normal people reserve for kittens and puppies. After about the fifty-eleventh time of hearing "Mom, don't you love snakes?" I answered "Yes, they taste delicious." The conversation ended.

Madalyn snuck up on me and I caught her. 

M: Do you have eyes in the back of your head?

me: Yes. Yes I do.

M (very seriously): Are they inbisible? Are you an ALIEN?

me: Yes I am.

Making sure my children have all the proper childhood scars. :D


Sometimes, I succeed rather than fail-

Call from Jr-"Mom, where are you?"

me - home. why?

"Can you bring my football jersey. I need it for the pep rally."

(I have bed head and no face on) When is that?

"In 15 minutes." :/

Mom is ready in 5 AND has time to post about it on facebook. I.am.awesome!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

I love sharing the craziness that comes out my children's  mouths.  Here are a few from just the past week or so:

Mt. Rushmore Part 1- (read it as if it were spoken all in one breath for the full affect)
Madalyn: Mom, did you know that Mount Rushmore blowed up? Yeah. It's in Dakota. And only Chinese people live there and other people that don't speak English. And Rushmore is a very dangerous place. Mount Rushmore and their eyes, there's a cave in them. There's a black hill. That means there's a cave. Do you know what kind of goats live at Mount Rushmore? *pause for reply* Oh yeah? And there are flying squirrels at Mount Rushmore. In Dakota.

Part 2, Day 2-
We are still discussing Mount Rushmore this morning. Thank you local Ford President's Day commercial. However, when Odie piped up and said it is in Washington DC, M got to school him. It's not often that little sister gets that chance.

Daily Madalynisms- 
M had to drop a color (behavior chart) and couldn't "remember" why. When I asked her teacher she said that M didn't want to play around the world. When she was told to participate she replied "I have stuff to do. I don't have time for this.". Wow. That one's all me.

When I told the kids to brush their teeth after dinner M complained "you always make us brush our teeth, like every day!". Mom "twice even.". M "yeah. Don't you think that's a little excessive?" :/. Big sassy pants words. Little 7 year old girl.
I'm in trouble.  We all are.

To Narnia!-
Madalyn is convinced that the bathtub drain is a portal. Opening the portal before she has exited the bath drastically changes things. Imagine what it would be like bathing a feral cat. Yeah, that.


Sigh.  And that's just a sampling of life at the Fockers.

Random Thought...

It is a sad, sad day when music falls to singing about the Thrift Shop (Warning: F-bomb version).

This is worse than the crazy Mammals song, Barbie Girl, and pretty much any video by Lady Gaga.  Yet, my children love it and sing every word [radio version].  I think I'd rather Gangnam Style!  Yeesh!

IEP - Progress!

I feel a little like I'm putting the cart before the horse since I haven't gotten to the explanation of our Madalyn tale, but this week was IEP week.

For those unfamiliar, IEP is an Individualized Education Plan.  Students who qualify for special education services will have an IEP outlining their educational goals, services, and accommodations.

This year has been a good year.  I mean fan-freaking-tastic!  M is reading and learning at a rate we haven't seen in her before.  She has progressed socially in that she is much more socially aware and after almost 4 years of school (pre-k, 2 years of K, and now 1st) she understands the concept of friends and that friends are actually something she wants to have.  This is a wonderful step in the right direction because up to this point, her peers were nothing more than individuals who seemed to coexist on the fringe of Madalyn's land of unicorns and rainbows.  Because of these wonderful steps, her pull-out services have been stepped back: no more speech therapy or social work and less time with the OT.  We were hoping for more inclusion and in-class time and less time spent out of the classroom, so this is great news.

On the downside, we are still faced with the fact that the team is not entirely in agreement with her official diagnosis.   Don't get me wrong, I adore these wonderful people who deserve so much credit for the great progress being made and value their professional opinions, but in my own research and experience with my child, I know there is more to this picture.  I promise to work on that tale so that all things begin to make sense.  In fact, I'll start that now and hopefully post within a day or two!

In the meantime, enjoy your 3-day weekend (if you get one)!

Neighbor wars, take... ah I lost count

Ever have a difficult neighbor?  I mean a really difficult neighbor.  The kind who makes everyday A-holes look like nothing more than everyday A-holes.  Well, we've got one of those.
We live down a dirt road down another dirt road and when it rains or snows that dirt turns to mud.  Nasty, slippery, sloppy mud.  A part of this road is shared by 4 properties and after 3 winters of this general misery, we spent the money to repair it.  After dealing with ruts, bumps, and feeling like we're on ski's  due mostly to Mr. Popularity's oilfield water hauler, we dropped about 2 grand in road-base, gravel, and equipment rentals to get it right.
Hubbins finished up yesterday, and no kidding, before it was even fully compacted this pleasant fellow hopped in his truck with the road dragger (<-- highly technical term) attached behind it and swiped all the road-base up into his own driveway!
Oh yes.  I am less than thrilled.  Catalog this with driveway-blocking post drilling, barbed-wire to trap us in stretching, and [suspected] dog poisoning that the sheriffs department can do nothing about.

Obligatory Introduction Post!

Well, I am new to this whole blogging world.  Actually, that is a bit of a lie.  I have attempted to become a prolific blogger twice before, but ultimately failed.  I have terrible follow through.

A little more about me, personally:
Hubbins and I have been married for 10 years.  That feels like such an awesome accomplishment.  We are Shelle and Hubbins Focker.  Not really, but it's close enough to our real name and far more entertaining.
We own three little people whom we are training for the zombie apocalypse through interactive video-gaming.  Okay, that's also a lie, but doesn't that sound so much more exciting than "the parents of 3 children"?  I don't actually take to the zombie apocalypse beliefs, I just like referencing it now and again.

Our three little Fockers are:

• Jr, alternately known as "Big C" and "the teenager" (say it with dread and fear) - stinky teenager advancing to high school next school year and perfecting his eye roll.  He's a pretty smart kiddo - already acing Geometry as an 8th grader, a class I managed a C in as a sophomore. 
• Little c, alternately known as Bubble Child - He's a pretty cool kid.  Does great in school.  Awesome at math like big brother.  We're impressed.  Loves football and wrestling.  Is allergic to the entire earth.  All of it.  Including foods.
• Madalyn - she's extra interesting.  Quirky, fun, girly, unrefined, diagnosed as autistic.  She is part of my therapeutic drive to blog and will have her own features here.

 Now that we've completed the Meet the Focker's part of this evening, we can get to a little more about me and why the heck I seem to think what I have to say is blog-worthy.  First, to understand my craziness, you should know that my life is chaotically busy.  I work as a teachers aid (EA) for less than what a teenager serving fries at Crapdonalds makes because I have a love for children and their education.  I am also a full-time college student working on my Bachelors degree so that I can become an actual teacher in Elementary Education/Special Education one day.  Combine that with the three children, a travelling Hubbins, and a speech impediment that makes it impossible for me to say "no" and that explains the constant look of bewilderment which graces my face.

My kids say and do crazy things that I love to share because they amuse me greatly.  I don't think you'll be disappointed.  But mostly, I want to write to share our journey with Madalyn - where we've been, what we've dealt with, and what we face going forward; as a parent - struggling in this thing called the Mommy Wars; and as a person who just never quite seems to meet her own expectations.  Hopefully, I can unload what I need to and help other families who have questions and need direction in coping with a special child that we have had to discover the hard way as we've bumped along.  There is so much information that I will have to introduce gradually, but I promise there is a big picture among my yet-to-come ramblings.

So why "Diary of a Super Failure"?  I have this theory about failures merely being stepping stones to success.  Don't give me any kind of originality credit; I'm pretty sure that it stems from a famous quote which in my caffeine induced post-essay marathon state I cannot recall and have no desire to look up.  Part of my educational philosophy is in helping students feel comfortable in asking questions, making inaccurate first attempts, and becoming confident, successful learners, they have to be okay with being wrong.  Well, no one is wrong more often throughout the course of a day than me.  I make countless mistakes and laugh at myself through every one of them.  My favorite things are failures and my favorite people are those who have fun making mistakes!  Ever checked out the Pintester or My Drunk Kitchen? (Warning, both f-bomb queens)  Do so now!  Hopefully, if I can avoid failing for a third time at being a blogger, you will get to laugh at with me.

Okay, so how's that for wordy introductions?  Hopefully I haven't scared you away just yet.  Hang tight while I work at a snails pace in the setup of the Super Failure blog.  :)

Over-committed Mommy Fail #381

I haven't made M's bed in about two weeks because I'm lazy.  Or too busy.  Either way, hubbins is coming home tomorrow after being gone an entire month and she is getting kicked out of my bed and back into hers.  Sorry snuggle buddy.