Each school year is a new struggle for Madalyn. As she gets older, she is beginning to recognize that she is not working at the same pace as many of her peers. Our school does something they call Step Up at the end of the school year where students spend the last two days of school with teachers in the next grade level as a means of introduction for the next school year and to help ease any stress.
As parents, we have had concerns about the academic expectations moving into third grade. Concerns which have been discussed in IEP meetings and with her individual teachers, but not with Madalyn. What she gets from us is support and encouragement in completing school work and life skills tasks. However, this has not shielded her from cruelty and inaccurate self-assessments.
Last night before bedtime, Madalyn was distraught about becoming a third-grader. She kept saying "I'm not smart! I'm not smart!" I assured her that she was very smart and told her many of us have to work extra hard at learning and doing new things, but she kept insisting she was not. The final, heartbreaking statement was "Only the not smart girls go to Mrs. [redacted]'s class!" (Re: special education resource). I asked Madalyn who told her such a thing; who told her that if you go to Mrs. [redacted]'s it is because you are not smart? She said no one, but somewhere this child has received the message that to to need and accept help means you are not smart.
Perhaps, for her going into the third grade classrooms and being introduced to all the new things is overwhelming. Perhaps, the teasing she gets from peers has conveyed part of this message. Perhaps, one of her brothers has said something ugly enough to convince her she is not smart. Or, perhaps she simply came to this conclusion on her own without outside influence.
In any respect, my beautiful, loving, caring baby girl has labeled herself as "not smart"; which equates to stupid, inadequate, and unworthy. When I look at her, I see none of these things. I see talent, accomplishment, academic growth and achievement, love for God, love for others... a person. A person who feels, thinks, shares, experiences, grows, hopes, dreams, aspires, and has the potential to touch the lives of others in a meaningful way.
But how do you make them see it when something in this world is convincing them otherwise?
Wrap them in love and support. Empower them.
