Misbehavior Overload! - Home Clip Chart

I am losing my mind!  My kids?  They are out of control.  Unless I’m right on top of them playing hover-mom, nothing gets done and I’m stuck with finishing what’s left after they've gone off to school.  With homework of my own, shuffling them to practices, games, and various appointments I don’t have time for the messes, the screaming, and the stress. 

They yell.  I yell. 

My throat hurts.  My head hurts.

They fight.  We battle. 

Grey hairs grow.  Frown lines dig deeper.

And at the end of the day, I’m miserable because the few precious minutes I do have to relax and enjoy my family is spent reprimanding or decompressing in solitude because I-just-cannot-take-another-second-of-it. 

As this is all going on I am gathering what I feel is great information for a career as a teacher.  The current class is focused on classroom management, and as we explore strategies, a thought has occurred to me: How can I control a room full of children if I cannot control the three at home?  After some thought, I have come up with a plan-

1.      A bilateral clip chart that allows for turn-around behavior
2.      Clear rules and expectations
3.      Defined consequences and rewards

 I have modeled my behavior board after the kids classroom teachers in color to avoid confusion for the kiddies.  In our previous school, red was the extreme consequence color, but here they use it as the top goal (I think the “you’re getting warmer” game).  So, I’m keeping it uniform with school.  With each child’s name on a clothes pin, all I have to do is tell them to clip up or down; they are familiar with the process.  Our house rules may seem similar to classroom rules in a few of the ways they are worded, but they fit the purpose.  Most strategies recommend keeping rules to 5, but we have 6 or 7.  I do not think they will be confused by one more written rule.

Materials:

•     Poster board (got it for $1 at Family Dollar)
•     7 different sheets of paper for behavior zones
•     Printer or Marker
•     Clothes Pins (one for each child)
•     Puffy Paint or a Sharpie (for putting names on clothes pins)
•     Duct Tape
•     Scissors
•     Binder Rings, Command Strips, & hole punch for hanging the board
•     Rules, Consequences, and Rewards

Making the Rules –

It’s your house.  Make up whatever sets of rules, rewards, and consequences works for your family.  Here are ours:

House Rules

•     Follow directions the first time they are given
•     Treat others how you want to be treated
•     Keep hands, feet, & objects to yourself    
•     No yelling or loud voices inside the house, car, & stores
•     Always tell the truth
•     Use good manners

Consequences

•     Warning – think about it
•     Time Out 
•    No TV or electronics for 30 minutes
•     Parents choice (examples)
•    Extra chores
•    Loss of TV time for the day
•    Lose weekend video game privileges

How to clip up:

•     Read at least 20 minutes
•     Do extra chores without being asked
•     Random acts of kindness

Rewards - Fill the weekly sticker calendar with 5 or more days of Awesome Choices and choose:

• The game for family game night/movie for movie night
• Extra library trip
• Special Craft
• 20 minutes of week night kindle time (after homework & chores are finished)
• Dish night pass – mom or dad will do one of your dish nights

*I am thinking of adding a kids cash type thing where the kids can earn a dollar or five as a reward option.  It’s fake money that they can redeem for our contribution to special purchases such as helping pay for a toy or candy.  You should probably know that I do not believe in a weekly allowance.  No one pays me to perform responsibilities such as wash laundry, do dishes, cook, food, or sweep the floor; these are all necessary tasks in life that you do for basic needs and sanitary living and are a part of daily living and family contribution. 

Once you have the rules and information that you would like displayed, put the board together.  I also added a calendar that can reprinted each month to track the colors earned for each child.  Simply place a dot with a marker by their name to keep up with daily colors and see if they will earn a reward at the end of the week.

I hope this helps someone else keep their sanity.  I haven’t put my new plan to the test yet, but will do an update in a few weeks.  

Port-a-potties - convenient? I.think.not.

Envision this - you are at a youth sports practice and the youngest child needs to pee.  The only thing available is a blue plastic outhouse.  The small child gives you the "Are you kidding me?" look when you tell her that is where she must potty and refuses to go.  Upon seeing her do the tee-tee wiggle dance, you insist she go to the disgusting capsule of refuse.
When she enters said capsule, she immediately bolts back out because inside is a spider so small you have to risk touching something to actually see it.  Knowing the child will make puddles if she does not go soon, you force the issue.
Once inside, the screaming begins.  Not small screams.  Not unintelligible screams.  Oh no, not from this one!  Blood-curdling, hair frizzing, horror flick shrieks of terror "Ahhhhh.  Ow.  It hurts.  Noooo!  Nooo!  It hurts!  Owie!  Noooooo! Ahhhh!  Eeeee!"  That's right, it's so ugly it hurts.  Just the thought of a pinhead-sized spider is painful.  Or maybe it's the public plastic.  Who knows.
And what is going on outside?  As mom stands at the door to keep the small child from bolting outside with her pants down, people are staring at her like she's imprisoned the child inside.

"Non-traditional" Student problem...

Reaching that point in your BA program where you are experiencing burn-out and do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but cannot give up because you've come so far [and have ten's of thousands of dollars in student debt].

*sigh*

Breathe.  Just breathe.

I warned you!

True to my nature, I have failed to keep up with this blog.  I'm trying!  Do you know how many popular, wittier, more interesting than this one there are out there?  I didn't count, but I'm sure you are aware.  I have so much I want to do and share; however, over in the past 5 months since my last post I have moved my family across country and avoided several total meltdowns.  Well, there was that one which involved drop-kicking one phone, throwing another one off the roof, water in the attic, and wet drywall, but we're not going to talk about that.  That, my dears, is what this girl calls a success!  Anything above my ability to keep the small humans alive and fit in a shower is.

I will work harder at being interesting enough to build a small following -blogosphere network, collection of imaginary friends, whatever you call it- in the future or fail trying.

Bottoms Up!

Today, after working with a kindergarten group, one of the boys told me "You have a really big bottom."

YOU HAVE A REALLY BIG BOTTOM

YOU HAVE A REALLY BIG BOTTOM

YOU HAVE A REALLY BIG BOTTOM

Thank you dear child.  When I left the house this morning, I was under the misguided impression that my bottom was looking okay.  However, when you are waist high and walking behind one most of the day, I am certain you become an expert in bottom sizes.  Luckily, I already had plans to celebrate my friends' 40th birthday this evening.  I'll focus harder on that than the separate zip-code that is my booty.

For the record: my feelers are not hurt.  You should hear half the brutally honest stuff Madalyn tells me.  And, I am well aware of the capacious proportions that make up my gluteus maximus.

More Life with the Fockers

We have pet snakes.  I do not touch them.  Sometimes I observe their behaviors through the safety of glass while they are confined, but that is all that I am willing to do for them.  Oh, and purchase frozen dead mice for their consumption necessary for survival.  At the last visit for snake food, the following occurred:

Only my weird children talk to the snakes in the pet store using that voice most normal people reserve for kittens and puppies. After about the fifty-eleventh time of hearing "Mom, don't you love snakes?" I answered "Yes, they taste delicious." The conversation ended.

Madalyn snuck up on me and I caught her. 

M: Do you have eyes in the back of your head?

me: Yes. Yes I do.

M (very seriously): Are they inbisible? Are you an ALIEN?

me: Yes I am.

Making sure my children have all the proper childhood scars. :D


Sometimes, I succeed rather than fail-

Call from Jr-"Mom, where are you?"

me - home. why?

"Can you bring my football jersey. I need it for the pep rally."

(I have bed head and no face on) When is that?

"In 15 minutes." :/

Mom is ready in 5 AND has time to post about it on facebook. I.am.awesome!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

I love sharing the craziness that comes out my children's  mouths.  Here are a few from just the past week or so:

Mt. Rushmore Part 1- (read it as if it were spoken all in one breath for the full affect)
Madalyn: Mom, did you know that Mount Rushmore blowed up? Yeah. It's in Dakota. And only Chinese people live there and other people that don't speak English. And Rushmore is a very dangerous place. Mount Rushmore and their eyes, there's a cave in them. There's a black hill. That means there's a cave. Do you know what kind of goats live at Mount Rushmore? *pause for reply* Oh yeah? And there are flying squirrels at Mount Rushmore. In Dakota.

Part 2, Day 2-
We are still discussing Mount Rushmore this morning. Thank you local Ford President's Day commercial. However, when Odie piped up and said it is in Washington DC, M got to school him. It's not often that little sister gets that chance.

Daily Madalynisms- 
M had to drop a color (behavior chart) and couldn't "remember" why. When I asked her teacher she said that M didn't want to play around the world. When she was told to participate she replied "I have stuff to do. I don't have time for this.". Wow. That one's all me.

When I told the kids to brush their teeth after dinner M complained "you always make us brush our teeth, like every day!". Mom "twice even.". M "yeah. Don't you think that's a little excessive?" :/. Big sassy pants words. Little 7 year old girl.
I'm in trouble.  We all are.

To Narnia!-
Madalyn is convinced that the bathtub drain is a portal. Opening the portal before she has exited the bath drastically changes things. Imagine what it would be like bathing a feral cat. Yeah, that.


Sigh.  And that's just a sampling of life at the Fockers.

Random Thought...

It is a sad, sad day when music falls to singing about the Thrift Shop (Warning: F-bomb version).

This is worse than the crazy Mammals song, Barbie Girl, and pretty much any video by Lady Gaga.  Yet, my children love it and sing every word [radio version].  I think I'd rather Gangnam Style!  Yeesh!

IEP - Progress!

I feel a little like I'm putting the cart before the horse since I haven't gotten to the explanation of our Madalyn tale, but this week was IEP week.

For those unfamiliar, IEP is an Individualized Education Plan.  Students who qualify for special education services will have an IEP outlining their educational goals, services, and accommodations.

This year has been a good year.  I mean fan-freaking-tastic!  M is reading and learning at a rate we haven't seen in her before.  She has progressed socially in that she is much more socially aware and after almost 4 years of school (pre-k, 2 years of K, and now 1st) she understands the concept of friends and that friends are actually something she wants to have.  This is a wonderful step in the right direction because up to this point, her peers were nothing more than individuals who seemed to coexist on the fringe of Madalyn's land of unicorns and rainbows.  Because of these wonderful steps, her pull-out services have been stepped back: no more speech therapy or social work and less time with the OT.  We were hoping for more inclusion and in-class time and less time spent out of the classroom, so this is great news.

On the downside, we are still faced with the fact that the team is not entirely in agreement with her official diagnosis.   Don't get me wrong, I adore these wonderful people who deserve so much credit for the great progress being made and value their professional opinions, but in my own research and experience with my child, I know there is more to this picture.  I promise to work on that tale so that all things begin to make sense.  In fact, I'll start that now and hopefully post within a day or two!

In the meantime, enjoy your 3-day weekend (if you get one)!

Neighbor wars, take... ah I lost count

Ever have a difficult neighbor?  I mean a really difficult neighbor.  The kind who makes everyday A-holes look like nothing more than everyday A-holes.  Well, we've got one of those.
We live down a dirt road down another dirt road and when it rains or snows that dirt turns to mud.  Nasty, slippery, sloppy mud.  A part of this road is shared by 4 properties and after 3 winters of this general misery, we spent the money to repair it.  After dealing with ruts, bumps, and feeling like we're on ski's  due mostly to Mr. Popularity's oilfield water hauler, we dropped about 2 grand in road-base, gravel, and equipment rentals to get it right.
Hubbins finished up yesterday, and no kidding, before it was even fully compacted this pleasant fellow hopped in his truck with the road dragger (<-- highly technical term) attached behind it and swiped all the road-base up into his own driveway!
Oh yes.  I am less than thrilled.  Catalog this with driveway-blocking post drilling, barbed-wire to trap us in stretching, and [suspected] dog poisoning that the sheriffs department can do nothing about.

Obligatory Introduction Post!

Well, I am new to this whole blogging world.  Actually, that is a bit of a lie.  I have attempted to become a prolific blogger twice before, but ultimately failed.  I have terrible follow through.

A little more about me, personally:
Hubbins and I have been married for 10 years.  That feels like such an awesome accomplishment.  We are Shelle and Hubbins Focker.  Not really, but it's close enough to our real name and far more entertaining.
We own three little people whom we are training for the zombie apocalypse through interactive video-gaming.  Okay, that's also a lie, but doesn't that sound so much more exciting than "the parents of 3 children"?  I don't actually take to the zombie apocalypse beliefs, I just like referencing it now and again.

Our three little Fockers are:

• Jr, alternately known as "Big C" and "the teenager" (say it with dread and fear) - stinky teenager advancing to high school next school year and perfecting his eye roll.  He's a pretty smart kiddo - already acing Geometry as an 8th grader, a class I managed a C in as a sophomore. 
• Little c, alternately known as Bubble Child - He's a pretty cool kid.  Does great in school.  Awesome at math like big brother.  We're impressed.  Loves football and wrestling.  Is allergic to the entire earth.  All of it.  Including foods.
• Madalyn - she's extra interesting.  Quirky, fun, girly, unrefined, diagnosed as autistic.  She is part of my therapeutic drive to blog and will have her own features here.

 Now that we've completed the Meet the Focker's part of this evening, we can get to a little more about me and why the heck I seem to think what I have to say is blog-worthy.  First, to understand my craziness, you should know that my life is chaotically busy.  I work as a teachers aid (EA) for less than what a teenager serving fries at Crapdonalds makes because I have a love for children and their education.  I am also a full-time college student working on my Bachelors degree so that I can become an actual teacher in Elementary Education/Special Education one day.  Combine that with the three children, a travelling Hubbins, and a speech impediment that makes it impossible for me to say "no" and that explains the constant look of bewilderment which graces my face.

My kids say and do crazy things that I love to share because they amuse me greatly.  I don't think you'll be disappointed.  But mostly, I want to write to share our journey with Madalyn - where we've been, what we've dealt with, and what we face going forward; as a parent - struggling in this thing called the Mommy Wars; and as a person who just never quite seems to meet her own expectations.  Hopefully, I can unload what I need to and help other families who have questions and need direction in coping with a special child that we have had to discover the hard way as we've bumped along.  There is so much information that I will have to introduce gradually, but I promise there is a big picture among my yet-to-come ramblings.

So why "Diary of a Super Failure"?  I have this theory about failures merely being stepping stones to success.  Don't give me any kind of originality credit; I'm pretty sure that it stems from a famous quote which in my caffeine induced post-essay marathon state I cannot recall and have no desire to look up.  Part of my educational philosophy is in helping students feel comfortable in asking questions, making inaccurate first attempts, and becoming confident, successful learners, they have to be okay with being wrong.  Well, no one is wrong more often throughout the course of a day than me.  I make countless mistakes and laugh at myself through every one of them.  My favorite things are failures and my favorite people are those who have fun making mistakes!  Ever checked out the Pintester or My Drunk Kitchen? (Warning, both f-bomb queens)  Do so now!  Hopefully, if I can avoid failing for a third time at being a blogger, you will get to laugh at with me.

Okay, so how's that for wordy introductions?  Hopefully I haven't scared you away just yet.  Hang tight while I work at a snails pace in the setup of the Super Failure blog.  :)

Over-committed Mommy Fail #381

I haven't made M's bed in about two weeks because I'm lazy.  Or too busy.  Either way, hubbins is coming home tomorrow after being gone an entire month and she is getting kicked out of my bed and back into hers.  Sorry snuggle buddy.